I can only speak for myself, but most of the time it feels like life is like a continuous roller coaster that you can’t get off of, no matter what you do.
Sometimes my life is so dang hard. I am trying my best to do everything that I need to do – eating right, exercising, being nice, and doing whatever possible to be my best self but the progress is so slow that it feels like I am hardly going anywhere at all. This is the upwards climb to the top of the roller coaster. It is long and slow and seems to be just out of reach.
I finally find some peace and relief and feel like I can breathe. I am a little better at managing life. My Lyme is not the only focus in my life and I can enjoy my life, rather than trying to fix it. This is the top of the climb – you know the part that is a little flat but you are high above everything. You made it up the treacherous climb.
Then my heart drops to my stomach. There is a pounding in my chest and I can’t breathe. I feel out of control and I am staring at the ground coming straight at me. I’m helpless. Obviously this is the steep downward slope of the roller coaster. For some it is thrilling and exciting and for others, it is terrifying. Another way to think about this stretch of the ride is something big happens: a death, an illness, a bad grade OR a birth, an adventure, a good grade.
Bam, I hit the bottom and then start the next part of the journey. Either I feel numb and broken or I immediately start another upwards climb. If I feel numb and broken, I am at a low point or I have ‘hit rock bottom.’ Depression sets in and sadness fills every crevice of my body. Eventually my upward climb starts but every fiber of my body is exhausted from perseverance. It needs a break, so it just shuts off. If I immediately start an upwards climb, I have more to work on immediately (good or bad). At this point, you have finished the nerve racking drop and the tracks have leveled out. What happens next depends greatly on the person and the experience.
My life is a roller coaster that is yanking me around every which way and I want to get off, even just for a little bit.